could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
