conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In America we eat man semen.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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