wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
