i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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