Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
