we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
