he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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