Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
