sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
