I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
