I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
