So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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