I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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