i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
