Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
