i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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