you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
