I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
