i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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