did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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