I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
