My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
