i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
