loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
