i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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