I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
