So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
