I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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