Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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