All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
