New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
