Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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