He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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