I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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