He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
