Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
