at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
