Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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