she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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