And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We talked him into tasing himself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
