omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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