she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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