Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
