he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
someone owes me an orgasm
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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