Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
