I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
