we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
