Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
