I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
too bad you live with your parents still
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
