Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
