DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize