Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
