Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
