Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
