Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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