When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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