when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
