do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
