I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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