Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
