counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
