there's paper in my vomit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize