Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't notice because vodka
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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