is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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