just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
