she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
