I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
