Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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