He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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